Seeing as August is Women’s Month, I thought I’d post this awesome blog written by my amazing wife, Jess Basson. You can check out her blog here.
Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try it’s just Not Good Enough? Although August is about celebrating women, all these stories of incredible overachievers defying the odds can be quite depressing. Oh, you started a non-profit that educates underprivileged girls, teach yoga to the elderly and wrote a best-selling recipe book? That’s nice. Today I made snacks, tidied up, and got the cat down from the tree. I did have a shower, though. As Christopher Reeve says, “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” That 3-minute shower was my act of hygienic heroism for the day. You’re welcome, world.
There seems to be this impossible standard of womanhood that constantly leaves us feeling Not Good Enough. From career to kids, from your relationship status to your bra size, we are being bombarded with advice from all directions on how to improve ourselves. Do more. Try harder. Be better.
Work more so you can further your career.
Work less so you can spend time with your family.
Try harder to get fit this winter so you can look good in a bikini.
Try harder to care less about how good you look in a bikini.
Make sure you have time on your own.
Make sure you have time with your friends.
Do something new everyday.
Simplify your life.
Be gentle with your children.
Be strict with your children.
Don’t go on a diet.
Don’t eat carbs.
I heard of a mom who had a chalkboard in her kitchen where she would leave herself notes and lists. After one overwhelming day she just wrote across the whole board, “Be Better At Everything!”
No wonder one feels Not Good Enough. No wonder one gets sucked into a comparison game with other women that leaves you resentful, or depressed, or momentarily smug as you watch another mom negotiating with a screaming toddler until five minutes later when it’s your child having a colossal tantrum in the shopping aisle.
Is there any other way to do this potentially powerful but often intimidating identity called womanhood?
I think there is. It’s called Grace.
I don’t mean grace like someone who is elegant and sophisticated. I don’t mean Grace like the most popular middle name for girls EVER. I mean Grace like love that hasn’t been earned. Grace that is acceptance just as you are. Grace that is an endless supply of forgiveness no matter how many mistakes are made.
Grace isn’t denying that there is a standard. Grace is what makes up the difference for our shortcomings. It’s love that fills the gap when we feel Not Good Enough.
But here’s the secret…
Discovering true contentment in your role as a woman doesn’t start with giving grace. It starts with receiving grace. It’s hard to accept love when we feel like we don’t deserve it. It’s hard to accept forgiveness when we know we’ve let someone down. We even struggle to receive a compliment without saying something negative about ourselves! What do you do when someone pays you a compliment?
“Oh, this shirt? I’m so overweight it’s the only thing that fits me.”
“Thanks, I think it did go well – but I really could have finished the project sooner.”
“Ah you’re sweet, but my hair is so frizzy. I wish I had straight hair like you.”
Many of the women I know have high expectations and can be hard on themselves when they don’t measure up. So receiving grace feels very counterintuitive. We are so used to working hard for everything that it’s tough to accept value that isn’t related to our performance. But grace is being loved, appreciated and worthy because of who we are, not because of what we do. We are loved because of who we are, not because of what we do. That’s how grace saves us from the tyranny of Not Good Enough.
There aren’t a lot of relationships, religions or ways of life that offer grace, but as women we need it so desperately. I know I do.
This Women’s Month, perhaps it’s time to push aside all the fanfare on what’s so amazing about women, and go on a intentional journey to find out what’s so amazing about grace.
“You have a choice in life. You can either live on-purpose, according to a plan you’ve set. Or you can live by accident, reacting to the demands of others. The first approach is proactive; the second reactive.” – Michael Hyatt
Sure, you can’t plan for everything. Things happen that you can’t anticipate. But it is a whole lot easier to accomplish what matters most when you are proactive and begin with the end in mind.
One of the ways I do this is by creating a template that I call “My Ideal Week”.
The idea is similar to a financial budget. The only difference is that you plan how you will spend your time rather than your money. And like a financial budget, you spend it on paper first.
My Ideal Week — the week I would live if I could control 100% of what happens — looks like this:
Without going into too much detail, here are a couple key ideas for me:
- Family first. Nothing is more important, I promise you.
- Have a morning ritual.
- Schedule your most important work tasks first.
- Fight hard to keep distractions to a minimum.
- Set aside some time at the start of the week to plan your week.
- Schedule meetings, calls, and little things in the afternoon.
- Limit responding to email to specific time slots in the day.
- Date night is a non-negotiable.
- Make sure you move everyday – doesn’t have to be exercise per se, but do something active.
- Set an end-of-the-day deadline, and try stick to it (there will always be more work to do).
Now that you’ve seen mine, I suggest that you map out your own Ideal Week. And once you have created it, you can use it as a basic template for planning each week.
If you are like me, not everything can be shoe-horned into the template, of course. But having this basic blueprint will better enable you to to accomplish those things that matter most.
For a more detailed look into how I formulated my Ideal Week, click here.
Over the years I’ve been blessed to have had my blog read by thousands of people. I currently have over 5000 regular subscribers from all around the world and people often tell me how much they enjoy reading my blog and how much it has helped them be more productive in life and at work.
This of course makes me very happy.
But what a lot of my readers don’t know is that everything I have to say and everything I have learnt about productivity and wellness comes from Jesus.
He is the Why, the What, the Who, and the How behind it all.
Yes, my personality is such that I love reading books about neuroscience and how the brain works. Yes, I’m interested in nutrition and health, and I love learning more about productivity and effective self-leadership techniques, and sharing that with my readers.
But honestly, that desire comes from a simple desire to follow Jesus.
Of course, we don’t know if Jesus ate a “Paleo” diet, and I’m pretty sure He didn’t have an iPhone or use Evernote to store His sermon notes (I think He was more of a moleskine-journal-kind-a-guy). But the truth is almost all the principles I have learnt about self-leadership/organisation/health/discipline etc. can be found in His life and teachings.
And so if you, like me, want:
Then follow Jesus.
Seriously, at least investigate it.
Now if you haven’t rolled your eyes yet and are still reading, then here are some suggestions on how to do that.
Firstly, throw away all your pre-conceived ideas about Christianity. Disregard your bad experiences with church or Christians. I imagine most of the hang-ups you have about Christianity have nothing to do with what Jesus was trying to do and who He was. Like Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ”. So true.
Secondly, simply pursue the person of Jesus. Investiagte. Read. Explore. Who was he? What did he say about himself? Why did His life have such an effect on human history? And don’t just read what others say about the Bible. Read it for yourself and make up your own mind. Start with the Gospels and go from there…
Thirdly, if you’re kind of skeptical and have lots of questions, reservations and doubts, don’t just read Dawkin’s “God Delusion“. Read other smart people’s views like this book by Tim Keller. Or maybe join an Alpha Course near you. It’s a safe, relaxed, and non-threatening environment to ask questions and discover.
These are just some ideas but of course there are many more. The point is if Jesus was who He said He was, it’s worth investing a few weeks or months in to explore.
I don’t often speak so plainly about or push my personal faith on my blog, mainly because I have other places where I do that and I want to respect people who read this blog and hold to different beliefs. But I just felt that I needed to get this off my chest…
My blog is all about “healthy body, healthy mind, healthy spirit = healthy soul”. And all I have ever learnt about that, I’ve learnt from Jesus. My saviour and my Lord.
*I had to asterisk “success” because I think the success we speak of in our world and the success Jesus offers to us are not the same. The one is about standard of living and the other is about quality of life.
“May all who are godly be HAPPY…” – Psalm 97:12 NLT96
It feels so good to hear the words, “God wants me to be happy.” It feels good to hear that, above all else, He wants me to enjoy life and only wants good things to happen in my life.
But what if that weren’t entirely true. What if God never said that?
See, the problem with believing that God’s supreme goal for me is my happiness, is that I might start to reason that “whatever makes me happy must be right” and “whatever makes me unhappy must be wrong”. With that mindset, any discomfort or delay or inconvenience can’t be God’s will, and so we spend our lives trying to avoid these things, instead of embracing them for what they are: a necessary part of our growth and development.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that bows down at the altar of happiness. Thinking that comfort, money, pleasure and things will make us happier. Yet, ironically it’s making us more miserable than ever.
Of course I do believe that God is not against our happiness. In fact, I believe he delights in our happiness. That when we’re happy I believe it brings Him great joy. Just as I feel delighted when my children experience joy or happiness. But, as Eleanor Roosevelt points out,
“Happiness is not a goal, it’s a by-product”.
When we make our lives solely about pursuing personal happiness, then somehow it remains elusive – we never quite find it. Yet, when we give our lives for something else, something outside of ourselves – God, others, the healing of our world – then we find a joy and contentment and peace that goes beyond mere happiness.
Bottom line: God doesn’t want us to pursue happiness. He wants us to pursue Him.
And in the process find happiness we never knew existed. Happiness that isn’t based on “happenings”. It’s called blessing.
I am 32.
I am tired.
I am not alone.
A few weeks ago I managed to get away for a “boys-only” weekend. No kids. Good surf. Lots of meat. Bliss.
But one thing we all were aware of was just how exhausted we all felt. Pretty much all the time.
We concluded that the decade between thirty and forty is often the time you are making the greatest advancements in your a career, stepping into bigger roles, and taking on more responsibility than ever before. At the same time most couples in this age bracket are raising small children, who are arguably at their most demanding. These two combine to form a perfect storm of tiredness.
Case in point, all of us on the weekend were in our thirties, all running our own organisations or taking on higher leadership positions, and all of us with two kids under the age of four. And lets not even talk about the sleep deprivation that comes packaged with our little bundles of joy.
No wonder the famous writer, Madeline L’Engle, called it “the tired thirties”.
Of course, alongside chronic exhaustion comes a whole host of others nasties. These include irritability, anger, confusion, decreased sex-drive, and depression.
Wow… this blog just got super depressing! Did I just write decreased sex drive??
My point is, next time you see a young parent in the shops and their kids are running amok, or we react defensively to your innocent comment, or we can’t seem to pay attention to your story… cut us some slack.
We’re just tired.
It doesn’t mean we aren’t happy. We love our kids, we love our jobs. We wouldn’t change it for the world.
We’re just tired. Really, really tired. And not getting enough sex. That too.
- Build your meals around fruits and vegetables, especially those with dark and vibrant colours.
- Replace chips, crackers and dried fruit with nuts, seeds, apples & celery.
- Select a healthy standby snack & carry it with you wherever you go.
- Eat slower. Try make every meal last 20 minutes.
- Use smaller cups, plates and serving sizes to eat less.
- Sugar is a toxin. Stay away from it, and any refined carbs.
- Structure your days to eat more early, less late, and nothing after dinner.
- Steam instead of grilling or frying.
- Never go a full day without eating something green.
- Check the sugar content of so called “healthy” foods. If it’s more than 10g – find a replacement.
- Sleep longer tonight to do more tomorrow.
- Track your sleep time & quality.
- Dim your lights in the evening and block out all light in your bedroom at night.
- Keep your bedroom cool at night.
- Create a bedtime routine where you don’t eat or use electronic devices in the hour before you sleep.
- Wake up at the same time everyday to keep your internal clock on track.
- Banish the snooze button for good. Snoozing adds nothing to your sleep quality.
- Aim for 8 hours of sleep every night.
- Try working without sitting.
- When you have to sit for long periods, stand, stretch, & walk around every 30 minutes.
- Track your daily movement.
- Aim for 10,000 steps every day or 70,000 per week.
- Do 1 hour of vigorous exercise in the morning for a better mood, more brainpower, and to burn calories all day long.
- Figure out a way to exercise at home.
- When tempted to skip a workout, just start exercising for a few minutes. Starting is often the hardest part.
- Take the stairs & park far away.
I didn’t want to write this blog.
Because it seems like whenever South Africans get into the discussion of whether to stay or whether to go it only creates armies on two sides. The “leavers” and the “stayers” – both defensive, both trying to justify their case.
And that is not my intention at all.
There is no right or wrong answer here. It’s a completely personal choice and I understand why many have left.
What worries me, however, is often the motivation behind all the debate: to find a “better” place or a “better” future. And again, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a better future for yourself and your family (we all want that!) – but what exactly is better?
Is it merely got to do with safety, comfort and convenience? “Everything just works”, “We can leave our doors open”, “Better job oppourtunities”. Of course these things are great but surely there is more to it than that?
We live in a culture that continually tells us to pursue a higher standard of living in order to improve our quality of life. But “standard of living” and “quality of life” are not the same thing.
In fact, studies reveal that many of the countries with the highest standards of living have the most unhappiest people. Why? Because the one does not necessarily equal the other.
I myself have lived in the UK for two years, Canada for a year, and the US for four years, and I absolutely loved it! Great people, incredible geography, and of course first-world efficiency. But whilst I had a great time, I missed the sunshine, the smiles and the generous spirit of our people. I missed biltong, “howzit”, “just now”, and the simple freedom of space. I missed hanging round the braai and early morning surfs with mates. I missed the vibrancy and diversity of our streets. Most importantly though, I missed the oppourtunity to be an active part of a country that needs me.
Yes, life in South Africa is hard. Yes, it’s risky. Yes, its messy and complicated. And yes, there are HUGE challenges before us. But that, in many ways, is why I love it!
Because “comfortable” and “safe” and “easy” are not the goal.
Because no matter who you are, if you want to, you can make a real difference here.
“All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.” We still have good people in South Africa who are willing to stand up and fight, and as long as I’m alive I want to be part of the solution.
Maybe South Africa will go to the dogs, but I would rather be actively involved in our future then criticise from a distance. I am choosing to take my chances in this incredible country and whilst there are other positive people like you living here, making a difference, then I believe our future will be very bright.
“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” – Ben Franklin, famously
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” – Glen Cook
Wether you are a morning person or not, small adjustments in your morning routine can lead to big changes in your life. Because if we start out our day well, we increase our chances of living out the rest of the day well too.
Hear are a few things I have learnt about morning routines:
1. You need a morning ritual.
If you investigate the daily routines of famous and successful people, you will discover they all have a predictable morning ritual that they repeat 5-6 times per week.
A ritual is a “series of actions or type of behaviour regularly and invariably followed by someone”.
So figure out yours. Example: Get up, drink a glass of water, take a walk, make a coffee, then get to work. Repeat.
2. Do your most important work first.
In their book Willpower, Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney make a compelling argument that the brain works like a muscle, meaning it gets fatigued as the day goes on. For this reason, a productive person will tackle their most important project first. In fact, if it’s possible to get an hour or two’s worth of work done before any significant conversations, answering email and, for some, even breakfast, you’ll find your productivity will dramatically increase.
I always try to turn off my phone and email until after my first work session is complete. Some studies claim that people get more done during their first two hours than they will over the next twelve!
After a good night’s sleep, the brain is sharp, fresh and ready to work in the morning. So don’t let that time go to returning emails and helping other people get their work done. Or worse, don’t let it go to reading dumb internet sites. You can do that later. The idea is to get into the chair and start working as fast as possible before anything can interrupt you. If you have to take the kids to school, tackle that important project immediately when you get to the office.
3. Eat a good breakfast.
We’ve all heard it said that “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. Without breakfast, your body is running on fumes until you are so hungry at lunchtime that you eat whatever unhealthy thing you can find. The fattier and sugarier, the better. But eat breakfast, and you are sated until later.
So rise a little earlier and give yourself time for a decent breakfast. Healthy and wholesome can still be quick and easy, especially when it comes to breakfast. Plus, eating breakfast while reading your book and drinking your coffee in the quiet of the morning is eminently more enjoyable than scarfing something down on the way to work, or at your desk.
I’ve always loved exercising first thing in the morning. It gets my blood pumping and makes me feel ready for the day ahead. Of course, there are other times to exercise besides the early morning, but I’ve found that while exercising right after work is also very enjoyable, it’s also liable to be canceled because of other things that come up. Morning exercise is virtually never canceled.
5. Reflect & Plan
Got goals? Well, you should. And there’s no better time to review them and plan for them than first thing in the morning. I have found spending just ten minutes reflecting on scripture, and planning the day ahead makes all the difference once the day actually gets rolling. It gives you confidence and clarity on what is important and also the courage to say no to that which isn’t.
So commit to making some adjustments to your morning routine. Because small choices in the morning can lead to big changes in your day. If a writer, for instance, writes 1,000 words each day before 9am, they will complete more than 6 full-length books each year! You do the math.
Protect this time like it’s your retirement, because it is.
According to new research, being cynical doesn’t just make you a bummer to be around, it may also cause actual brain damage.
A team of researchers at the University of Eastern Finland surveyed nearly 1,500 people – gauging their level of cynical distrust by their responses to statements such as “I think most people would lie to get ahead.” They found that the risk of developing dementia in later years was three times higher in the participants who were more cynical than those who demonstrated low levels of cynicism.
“These results add to the evidence that people’s view on life and personality may have an impact on their health,” the study’s author explained in a statement. Other studies have shown that people who are cynical also have higher rates of heart problems and cancer.
So how do you stop yourself from becoming too cynical? I have no idea, but maybe this article will help: How to Stop Being a Cynical Asshole.
It probably won’t though. ;)
This past year I have not managed my leave well. I took a large chunk of it upfront in January, which left the rest of the year one long slog with little or no reprieve. In running terms, I shot out the gates too soon and was left having to stagger over the finish line, instead of sprint over it. Lesson learnt.
Now, imagine that your health and energy are a bucket of water.
In your day-to-day life, there are things that fill your bucket up. These are inputs like sleep, recreation, nutrition, time with friends, time off, prayer or meditation, etc.
There are also forces that drain the water from your bucket. These are outputs like work stress, relationship problems, lifting weights, difficult conversations, etc.
Of course, as James Clear notes, “The forces that drain your bucket aren’t all negative. To live a productive life, it can be important to have some of the things flowing out of your bucket.” Working hard in the gym or at the office allows you to produce something of value. To make an impact.
But even positive outputs are still outputs and they drain your energy accordingly.
These outputs are also cumulative. Even a little leak can result in significant water loss over time.
I usually exercise four times a week. For a long time I thought I should be able to handle five or six days a week. However, every time I added the extra workouts in, I would be fine for a few weeks, and then end up exhausted or slightly injured about a month into the program.
This was frustrating. Why could I handle it for four or five weeks, but not longer than that?
Eventually I realised the issue: stress is cumulative. Four days per week was a pace I could sustain. When I added that fifth or sixth day in, the additional stress started to build and accumulate. At some point, the burden became too big and I would get exhausted or sick.
Of course this is not just true of physical stress. The stress of building a business or finishing an important project. The stress of parenting your young children or dealing with a bad boss or caring for your aging parents.
It all adds up.
I may be able to get away with one or even two years of poorly managed leave, but if I don’t change something, I’ll be completely depleted by year three or four. Similarly, nothing drains your bucket like unresolved relational tension. Unforgiveness, bitterness, anger – these are slow leaks that over time leave you completely empty.
That is why it is so important to figure out what fills your bucket up. Because recovery is non negotiable. You can either make time to rest and rejuvenate now or make time to be sick/injured/burnt-out later.
So be intentional about refilling your bucket on a regular basis. That means catching up on sleep, making time for laughter and fun, eating enough to maintain solid energy levels, time with family, and otherwise making time for rest and recovery.
Because a FULL bucket leads to a FULL-filling life!
This post was adapted from and inspired by James Clear’s article.
Memorising a speech can be an almost impossible task for many, especially if the speech is a long one. And let’s face the facts, not all of us have those fancy teleprompters like the President has. The real question then is – do we have other options? How can one go about memorising a speech, no matter it’s topic and length?
Here is a handy infographic from the folks at EssayTigers that will help you learn how to memorise a speech with some effective ways of memorisation. Whether using in politics, church, or business presentations, these tips should help speakers deliver great speeches.